Here’s Why Indian Weddings Are A Painful Experience

Indian weddings have reached a stage where they have achieved a notorious reputation because of the expensive, over-the-top, louder-than-metal-concerts fashion in which they are celebrated. Indian weddings involve insane levels of overspending in a multitude of ways. They not only drain away one’s savings, but they also suck out their energy and time. There comes a point where all the arrangements that are being made for the wedding morph into torturous exercises.

Here’s a list of facts that corroborates how our desi weddings have become annoying, overspending circuses. If you’re already married, this is going to take you down that memory lane that will remind you of the headache that you experienced during your wedding. And if you’re still living the unmarried life, then simply make a note of the below points. Be prepared!

1. Another Word For Those “Gifts With Love” Is “Dowry”

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Of course, the Indian Constitution banned the dowry practice and made it punishable by law. But we, Indians, always find a jugad for everything. The dowry is now given a new term — “gifts.” The gifts from the bride’s side include cars, gold, cash, and anything that falls into the expensive bracket. And what do the groom’s side gift? A box of laddoos! Now, if this isn’t dowry then what is? And more importantly, why are most of us turning a blind eye towards such practices?

2. Aunties And Uncles Side-Eyeing The Bridesmaids Enjoying Their Drinks

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Yeah-yeah, all families say they treat the men and women of their families alike. They don’t discriminate between their son and their daughter-in-law. But women know it all. If women head to the bar counter at the wedding and order a whiskey, on the rocks, you’ll see the jaws of the typical uncle and aunties drop on the dance floor and a sudden gush of silence falls all over the floor. Try it and see for yourself.

3. You Cannot Have Fun Your Way Because “Log Kya Kahengey?”

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Firstly, if you’re decently seated at your place sipping a drink, you’re bound to be pulled on the dance floor to dance, by an alien face (must be some relative of the groom or bride). And you feel like it’s a pain in the “you know where” to be able to match up to their gravity-defying moves. You feel embarrassed to dance that way, but that’s not the problem. The problems come when you start dancing with a boy and are seen having fun. And this, my dear friend, will start the drill of “log kya kahengey.” But you need to retort to this question with this answer — “logo ka kaam hai kehna,” and continue to have fun without giving a damn.

4. Every Other Aunty Is Telling You “You’re Next”

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You’re neither dancing nor sipping a drink. You’re just sitting like the most decent girl around and watching the rituals with utmost interest. And the aunties walk up to you, brimming with love, just to nag you by saying you’re the next in line now. “Have you been shown guys by your parents for marriage?,” or “We know a ‘Kanneda wala’ boy. Would you be interested?” Such questions will make you feel like the wedding itself is an IRL matrimony site.

5. Photographers Capturing You As You Eat Your Favorite Butter Chicken

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You happen to ignore all the icky vibes the wedding is giving you and try to think about the free butter chicken meal that awaits you. The thought,”Ah, finally, one good thing about Indian weddings!” is going on in your head as you dig into your favorite butter chicken, and you hear a shutter sound. Damn! You’re being clicked as you eat. Photographing or videographing the guests eating is almost like an absurd must-do at Indian weddings. Wonder why people do that? Maybe to watch the video years later and show others the lavish spread they served their guests at their wedding. Annoying? Right!

6. Different Vibrant Outfits For Every Ceremony Which You’ll Probably Never Wear Again

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Indian weddings are known to emulate Bollywood movies so much that one ends up stitching at least ten new pairs of outfits for the wedding, keeping with the themes. Yes, it’s not like you don’t have a grand ensemble to wear for a wedding. You can still wear it. But, what if your relative walks up to you and says, “last time bhi yahi pehna tha na?” *Sigh*

7. Choreographed Dance Numbers That Require A Lot Of Practice

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When an Indian couple decides to marry, they happily assume that their immediate relatives, BFFs, cousins, and even their neighborhood are going to form a personal dance troupe for their wedding. Month-long rehearsals, an elaborate medley of songs, all this becomes a must-all! And on the day of Sangeet, everybody is laughing at the performances and considering it as entertainment. They aren’t being entertained by the dance, but the hilarity of the dance!

Aren’t these universally painful moments experienced by most in Indian weddings? It’s ridiculous how the need for celebration turns into a display of wealth and what not! Have you faced these situations before? Let us know in the comments below.