Why You Should Never Have To Defend Your Choice To Be Single
Image: Shutterstock
I wouldn’t lie, peeps, it’s been at least 5 years since I first began to wear the “I-am-single-and-not-ready-to-mingle” badge diligently. In this 5-year long journey, I’ve experienced a stupendous amount of pressure to defend my choice of being a happy, uninvolved single. The major concern for people is that they assume that just because I don’t have a significant other, I should be more welcoming or should be amenable towards someone’s advances. But trust me, that, really, isn’t the case. I’m honestly very happy with the way things are in my life and I just don’t see the need to have someone else in it right now.
A lot of us surely believe in this antediluvian perception perpetuated by the society, that says you’ll be happy if, and only if, you’re married. But, just look at Joey Tribbiani (from the popular television series Friends), haven’t you seen him be single and happy in life? And honestly, given the crazy number of single people who are out there living a fulfilling life, and an even more copious number of stories of friends’ or foes’ perfect relationships going wrong, I’d like to disagree with this outmoded perception that has been harbored by the society at large.
Making sure that I’m happy being all by myself isn’t something that should be the business of that neighbor aunty who acts like she was a marriage broker, or that far-removed relative whose favorite way to pass time is by passing comments on my single-hood. Not to mention, what a task it is to assure the men around me that if I’ve been talking to them or hanging out with them, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m into them.
I live alone in another city, away from my parents. And most of my weekends are spent in weekend getaways or a standard night-outs which have all the classic requisites; pub hopping, fancy cocktail, and grooving to the beats with my close circle of friends. These kinds of nights are a way for me to have some fun and burn some energy. During such weekends it’s very common for my friends and me to meet new people. Thanks to the influence of the alcohol that we all indulge in, we often end up having long conversations with the fellow party-goers whom we often bump into.
However, my recent weekend-party experience was a bit horrifying and I’ll tell you why. My best friend and I had gone to a club for dancing and once there, we got all chatty with two guys who were also there to have a good time. It was just a usual outing, nothing seemed to feel awkward or out of place – we all danced to some songs, had a few drinks together, and engaged in some light-hearted chats. As was the custom, we ended up exchanging numbers as well. So, the next day the guy I had been chatting with, sent me a message asking if I wanted to go out with him to grab a beer or something. I didn’t bother to reply as I did not want him to get any romantic signals from me. I genuinely thought that by not replying I would convey my disinterest to him. But, it didn’t end there. The very same day, he ended up sending me at least 5-6 more messages asking if I was still enjoying my slumber and things like that. Towards the end of the day, he sent this long message claiming that he’d thought it we had a connection. I thought I was being rude by not replying, so I ended up sending a very genuine, eloquent, and polite message stating that I was not interested in him.
Just when I thought that it would be the last I’d hear from him, I ended up receiving another horribly lengthy text about how he thought we could still be friends until I was ready for more. I replied, again, to make it clear to him that, “I just wasn’t interested in pursuing anything, whatsoever with him”. This was followed by a slew of messages where he was trying to convince me that how could I not want anything more since I was single. He started to dig deep into my personal life asking if I was lying about not having a guy in my life or if I was into girls. He just couldn’t accept the fact that I was happy being single.
And trust me this isn’t the first time I was facing this. Time and again, I’ve found myself in a spot where I’ve had to defend my choice of being single. And it’s not just the men, every time I explain how happy I am being single to my girl gang; they all end up telling me, “Don’t worry! We’ll find someone for you.”
It isn’t a rule made by the Gods that you need someone to make you happy. We need to start being happy by ourselves. I’m asking all the single women out there to banish the thought from their heads that you need a significant other to complete you. Please, aren’t we all complete by ourselves already? And this isn’t me justifying my single-ness. I’m just trying to help everyone around me understand that it’s completely fine to be single and you can stay that way for as long as you want. When you think you can handle having another person in your cocoon, then maybe you could open yourself to the idea of a relationship. Until then, I’m telling you, live life on your terms, like a queen. And stop justifying your personal choice of being single to others. Cheers to singlehood, my queens!
Have you also had similar singlehood experiences? Do share them in the comments below.
