13 New Year Resolutions Every Lazy Person Makes Every Year
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It’s that time of the year when each one of us partakes in the annual ritual of making promises we can’t keep. End of December – resolutions time. Here are 13 of the most common ones we are sure you will never ever keep. Which of these have you promised yourselves this year, again?
1. Lose Weight, Get In Shape
This is the year when you will finally flaunt those washboard abs and perfect figure on the beach in a two-piece and get the entire girl gang green with envy. Right? Wrong. This will be the year, like every other year, when your dieting plan will last a total of one second. You will overeat on the New Year’s Eve, not fit into your pajamas the next day, mope all day, and forget all the weighty issues the moment you see the leftover cake from the party.
2. Travel The World
Of course, you are a wanderer at heart, yearning to break free of the shackles of city life and set out to explore the whole wide world. Let us break the bubble for you, sweety. The only “travelling” you would do this year, like every year, is the commute to and from work each weekday. The mandatory trip to home notwithstanding, real travel requires effort and planning. Both of which are not your cup of tea. Aren’t we right?
3. Quit Smoking For Real
Those government issued warnings have finally done their magic, and you are scared as hell about the shrinking size of your apparatus. The breathing one we mean, duh! So this year, you quit the butt and go all smoke-free, embracing fresh air and healthy living. So true! And you would do this while you train your unicorn to blow rainbows out of its backside on demand and become a millionaire in the process. Sounds like a plan. Yay!
4. Find Your Dream Man
Cause life works that way. You wake up one fine morning on the first of January and tell yourself that today you will find your dream man, and voila! By evening, you are getting all naughty between the sheets with the man of your dreams in the kingdom of happily ever after. Well, here’s news for you. If this was on your resolution list, you, in all probability, will be having this on the list the next year too. So there!
5. Start Saving Money
You need to save for a rainy day said the ad on TV, and so you will this year. For real! You will open a savings account and fill it with all your hard earned money and forget the password to the ATM card. Wait, that will not entail giving up on splurging on the sale at Macy’s or that Chanel bag on sale, right? For, that would be awful. Like living without oxygen or something. Sigh!
6. Live Within A Budget
Of course, you can strut around in a Dior gown AND live within a budget! I mean, it is totally within the realm of possibility that one can control essential expenditure like sales and gifts and salon trips through the year! I mean, there are apps and all for things such like. Right? In your dreams! This will be, like every other year, where every month end you would wait for the salary to trickle with baited breath.
7. Stay Away From The Latest iPhone
Yes. The iPhone you have now works just fine. So what if the new one has a new way to do the same old things. So what if the new one comes in a new shade of rose pink you have now. So what if the new one is what everyone is flaunting about in your face all day. You will take the moral high ground and not be tempted. Not this year. Not this time. Sorry Apple. This is a solemn resolve, NOT.
8. Spend Less Time Facebooking
I know, we are being just insanely harsh on you now, right? This is, however, a very easily committed to resolution. Obviously, cause it is the most difficult to maintain. I mean, you HAVE to post pics from the awesome New Year’s Eve party on the first of Jan, right? And there goes your resolution out of the door. Come to think of it, maybe that is why this is the most common resolution too! Hmm.
9. Go To The Gym
Or to the yoga class. Or the Pilates place. Or that cross-fit across the street. Where you paid half your annual salary as part of your last year’s resolution. Let’s resolve to go there, shall we? And, really go there, not just check in on FourSquare. For, let’s face it, you paid for it, you have another few days’ membership left, and you should know who is spamming your email to renew the subscription, right?
10. Get A Makeover
If you aren’t tired of people exclaiming “what happened to you, you poor thing!” every time they meet you at a get-together, they are! So, for their sake, get a life. We mean, get a makeover. Could be something as small as may be using a comb for once before stepping out of the house. The out-of-bed look can only work so many times darling, don’t you think?
11. Learn To Cook
This was the year Maggi went off the shelves, people! So time to wake up and make those hours spent watching Master Chef on TV count. Maybe boil potatoes, or make a toast, anything. As long as you don’t starve yourself to death because you couldn’t afford to pay the cook anymore. For not being able to pay, well, look up at the resolution of saving. A little culinary skills hurt no one either. Right?
12. Be On Time, At Least Once
Your secret Santa probably gifted you an alarm clock this Christmas. So take the hint. Attempt to wake up at least once on time, and see the wondrous virtues of being punctual. If only to see the expressions on the faces of work mates when you waltz in on time with a smile. And smelling good, for let’s face it, this will give you time to have that shower you never have too.
13. Change Those Sheets
Because it’s been a year since the last time this happened. Right? Cause it is healthy, hygienic, and err…civilized to do so, even if just once a year. Cause a new year deserves new smells (or a fresh, smelly room, the choice is yours). Whatever be your ruse, just get up and change those sheets. Will do everyone a world of good in the New Year.
So there you are! No matter how much you deny it, at least one of these feature in your resolutions list year after year after year. Would this be the year they get ticked off? Who knows, maybe they will. Or maybe they won’t. Do let us know either way, so we can say, we told you so!
