I think we all agree that getting into a relationship is equal parts exciting and scary. On one hand, you can’t wait to get to know more about the person you are dating, and on the other hand, you can’t get this nagging feeling out of your head. Either you just got out of a relationship? Or you are doing it because all your friends are in a relationship and you are the only single one among them?
Whatever it may be you need to clear the confusion ASAP. And there isn’t a better way of ending this chaos than a little introspection. So ask yourself the following questions before you put that ‘in a relationship’ status up on Facebook!
1. Am I With The Right Person?
Love is blind. Or, at least in the initial stages it is. When you newly fall for someone, your brain releases a ton of feel-good chemicals, which can really affect your – normally great – sense of judgment (1). This means that even if you’re with a person who doesn’t fit into your value system, you will not be able to see it.
According to love expert, Terri Orbuch, who is also the author of Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship, you need to slow down and analyze the person you are with. This is to see if theyshare the same values as you and fit the bill overall. If they don’t, don’t invest yourself in the relationship for long-term.
2. Do I Feel Good When We’re Together?
Although the initial feel-goodness of a new romance can make you feel like you’re having a really good time, you really have to think whether it’s on-the-surface good or really good. Ask yourself if you are being yourself with your current partner.
Relationship expert, Kate Appleman, who is also the director of Primary Care Men’s Program at Caron Treatment Centers, says you should try to be with a partner who challenges you and helps you become a better person instead of pinning your hopes on them to make you feel complete.
3. Can I Accept This Person For Who They Are?
You know it’s only natural for your current bae to have flaws. Nobody is perfect. Not even you. But the real deal here is if you are able to accept the one you are dating despite those flaws. If your answer is in the affirmative, you’re probably with the right person.
4. Am I Over My Ex?
If you can’t accept your romantic interest the way they are and would rather change things about them, you have to figure out why that is. Is it that you wish your current partner was more like your ex? Orbuch says if you find yourself thinking about your ex a lot or are still affected by the breakup, you are not ready to commit to a new person yet.
5. Do I Really Care About The One I’m Dating?
Even if you have no emotional baggage left from your previous relationship and are absolutely clean that way, you still have to find out if you are ready to truly feel and care about someone new. Orbuchsuggests you have to figure out if you are ready to offer support to your bae when they are down and celebrate with them when they are happy. This will help you understand if you are ready to move forward with this relationship.
6. Does My Partner Like Me Back As Much As I Like Him?
While it is vital to take your feelings into account, you also have to consider your partner’s feelings before you can decide if the relationship is worth committing to. Is your partner as invested in this relationship as you are? Does your bae make you a part of his or her life? Do you know all the small details about them like their workplace, their favorite TV show and so on?
Orbuch opines that if your partner involves you in their major life decisions, then it’s a good sign and you should consider giving it a shot.
7. Have We Ever Spoken About The Future?
If neither of you speak about future plans or, if alternatively, only one of you does, you should perceive it as a red signal and take a step back. Talking about the future doesn’t necessarily mean weddings and babies; it can also mean weekend plans and movie nights.
8. Can I See The Warning Signs?
You need to pay careful attention to the words, actions and body language of the person you are with as these can reveal if they are ready for a commitment. Most of us ignore these initial signs because we don’t like being rejected.
9. Am I Ready To Commit?
Even if the person you are with is ready to make a commitment, you should take a moment to know if you are ready. You need to know if you are ready to trust this person, before you move ahead.
Relationships can be tricky and being single can seem dreadful, but you can save yourself the entire dilemma by asking these questions. So instead of jumping the gun, take it slow.