“I Ended Up Meeting A Drug Dealer”, Chennai Woman Reveals The Bitter Truth Of Arranged Marriages

Written by Chaitra Krishnan, MA (Journalism & Mass Communication)  • 

Someone had rightly said that marriage is a gamble. Be it a “perfect” marriage that’s arranged by parents or a love marriage after a decade of dating; you can never predict the future of the relationship. It’s different when you meet someone and get to know them as a person before you start seeing them as a prospective partner. When you’re meeting someone with the intention of dating or marriage, they will always put forth a flawless image of themselves before you. If meeting a stranger dressed like a doll for sale isn’t thrilling enough, sometimes these experience can sometimes leave emotionally scarring memories behind. One among the many girls who have gone through such traumatic experiences is a woman from Chennai (name not revealed), whose Instagram post on arranged marriage is going viral.

“It’s “proposal” season in my life right now. I’ve met the quintessential nice guys, the ‘loaded’ guys, and the guys who think the person sitting in front of them is just plain dumb. You name the type and I must’ve met him,” the woman shared her story through We, The People, an online community that celebrates human experiences. But in this case, the woman would have probably wanted to erase her memories. We’re grateful to her that she was bold enough to share her terrifying experience with the world.

“During this ‘Game of Proposals’, I even ended up meeting a drug dealer! When my cousin and I looked him up, we found out that he was arrested in a drug racket. I freaked the hell out! And the sad reality of it all is, that this happens way too often – especially in the name of a foreign proposal. Families don’t care what the guy does in the US, but as long as he’s there, they’re more than willing to send the girl off,” the woman shared in the post. This is something that can get a girl in deep trouble and we’re sure many of them would have had such bad experiences in their life.

Image: IStock

When parents set up the initial stages of a marriage, they think that they’ve found the best groom for their daughter. Most often, the factors that they consider while getting into this conclusion are materialistic. They are more worried about the size of the groom’s car than the size of his heart. Also, they judge a guy based on his family’s image in society. They are usually content if his mamaji’s neighbor’s sister-in-law’s brother gives a green flag when asked about the character of the guy. They call this the “background check.“ Things have changed over the years and today, it’s almost impossible to find a parent who knows what their child is doing in life or how their true character is. They only know what they’ve been told and shown, and so does the rest of the family.

The bold woman concluded her message saying, “Guys seriously think that their crores of assets and their ‘25 lakh per annum’ is what we’re falling for, but they couldn’t be more wrong! Marriage is not about their bank balance – and it most definitely is not about getting hitched to a complete stranger under absurd situations.” Even though meeting a complete stranger knowing that you’re going to share your life, your bed, and everything that you ever have and will have in the future is scary for most of the girls, it wouldn’t seem like a big deal to our parents because they have been conditioned by their parents to believe that arranged marriages are holy.

Why Arranged Marriage Isn’t Always A Sweet Piece Of Cake

Image: Shutterstock

You may have been told how happy your grandparents were even if they never met even for once before their marriage. Today, we live in a world of nano families and building up a strong sense of individualism is necessary to overcome the challenges at school, college, or workplaces. Our generation is trained to stand alone and strong. People who have spent years learning how to make their own choices will find it difficult to adjust to the fact that someone else holds the power to make the most important decisions of their life. While a woman who hasn’t been educated to stand up for herself might bow down in agreement and smile when she meets a probable partner and in-laws, but a woman who heads a team at work might find it emotionally scarring and unacceptable.

One of the reasons why the society advocates arranged marriage is the much lower divorce rate that comes along with it in comparison to love marriages. Indian arranged marriages and their stability is something that western societies often admire. The reason for this is very simple and it mostly has to do with the kind of people involved. People who find that it’s okay for someone else to choose their life partner put their family first and will adjust in their marital relationship for the same reason. On the other hand, those who choose to find their own partners are people who have strong opinions and they will not tolerate it when the relationship goes downhill.

No matter what, marriage is a personal choice and you have the right to let your parents choose if you want to. But it’s important to know the risk involved in meeting complete strangers and trust them based on the yardsticks that are too old and rusted. Talking things out with the family and letting them know about the pitfalls of getting married to a random stranger is something that we all need to do. Have you ever had any experience that is similar to this? What do you think about the risks involved in arranged marriages? Let us know in the comments below.

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