Why Women Should Stop Being So Low-Key Mean
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“You snipe so steady,
You snub so snide,
So ripe and ready,
To diminish and deride!”
Who here has heard Joni Mitchell’s Borderline and invariably failed to comprehend and grasp the meaning behind the words that are now to become the cornerstone of this particular article? Way back in the Pulp Fiction era when the song Borderline came blazing through our cassette players (to all the millennials out there, a cassette player is an archaic contraption used many moons ago to listen to music), little did we know we would one day be using it to draw parallels between the poignant words strung by Mitchell and the subtle but cruel art of being low-key mean. Alas, here we are! And the words inexorably resonate with what we do to each other when we covertly deride and criticize other women’s meticulously brushed locks and makeup, and whisper snide remarks, of which the most cutting of them all is “She must have too much time on her hands.”
To err is human and we’re all willingly or inadvertently guilty of tearing each other down for a nonsensical reason every once in a while. Sometimes, if someone is well primped out or is suffering from a high dosage of sunshiny disposition, you can’t help but tear the other person down for committing an inane crime of having a better time than you. Too much confidence is perceived as arrogance. Brevity is looked upon as snobbishness. Applying makeup is a sure-fire way to be accused of trying too hard. If you’re thinking — I’ve never said that aloud, slide off that high horse and know, even if a sliver of the aforementioned thought has crossed a crevice of your minds, you are just as culpable as the ones who end up uttering it. We have inevitably pitted ourselves against each other and it’s time to end the nonsense. And we can do that by comprehending the why, where and the how of the issue. Here’s a quick read about why we women are low-key mean to each other and how we can stop it.
Why Do We Do It
We, not just women but humans, have been ingrained with a deep and cumbersome sense to compete and one-up each other in every aspect of our lives. The wars fought, the games played, the seemingly innocuous witticisms exchanged, all in the name of the greater good or good old-fashioned fun is intricately but irrevocably designed to win. To establish your dominance over each other.
The borderline is (pun intended) we all like to win. At the end of the day, we like to be encumbered with a sense of supercilious pride. Ergo, when we comment on someone’s appearance, demeanor, or decorum, we are trying to one-up them with our mean insensitive comments. Since we were old enough to understand the basic tenets of the movies that adhered to the concept that it’s all about ensnaring a guy, we’ve resorted to doing whatever it takes to win the prize. And if that means walking all over each other, so be it. We’ve resorted to playground insults that are subtle but cutting, nonetheless. Solidarity flies out the window and ends up right smack in the middle of a muddy terrain.
Likewise, cult favorite movies like Mean Girls, Clueless, and the likes, reinforced this message with salacious pride, that the Heathers and the Regina Georges of the world always win. While the Cady Herons of the world have to stoop to Regina’s standards to steal the show. If you can’t beat them, join them, right? Playing on someone’s insecurities, marginalizing their confidence (or the lack thereof), just to give a significant boost to yours is the hallmark of these movies. However, there are these rare moments when a Mrs. Norbury (Tina Fey in Mean Girls) intercedes and makes us realize that we can rise above the pettiness and let go of the passive-aggressive BS.
How Do We Stop It
We have to first realize that we are all complicit in our bad habits and the first step to recovery is admitting we have a problem. Next, we need to follow these pointers:
- We shouldn’t begrudge the other women’s confidence. Let them be.
- Do not curtail other women’s freedom to choose what they want for themselves.
- Quit acting like Victorian-aged ninnies with delicate dispositions and fragile sensibilities that offend at a drop of hat or in this case, at the drop of stockings. Don’t we have men doing that already?
- In this patriarchal society, we need to stand by each other instead of looking for opportunities to stab each other in the back.
- Let’s pledge to stop snickering, whispering, giggling, about the other women’s appearance and playing on their insecurities just to provide an ample boost to ours.
There is no excuse to tear someone down based on their appearance or demeanor. You’re not the judge or the jury of the etiquette-ville. There are copious issues that are wrought on us women folk and as we grow older, the insecurities are limitless and interminable. We don’t want to pile on to it. Stand by each other and if you can’t do that, at least refrain from hindering each other’s paths and diminishing each other’s confidence. To each his own, or in this case her own. So stop immersing yourself in others business and find your own path.
