7 Things People Find Out Only After A Breakup
Image: Shutterstock
Not every relationship is meant to last. Before you find the one you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with, you’ll go through a whole series of heartbreaks, which will absolutely crush you. And I mean wolf-down-huge-scoops-of-ice-cream-from-a-giant-tub-as-you-cry-your-eyes-out crush you! That ain’t a pretty picture. You’ll spend most of your time in your jammies moping and wondering why it all had to happen to you.
While as dark as this phase of your life might seem, there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Once you’re done breaking up, you’ll realize a few essential truths that’ll change your life for the better, says marriage agency head, Tamsen Fadal (1).
In her recent novel, The New Single: Finding, Fixing, and Falling Back in Love with Yourself, Fadal talks about her own painful journey through divorce and beyond, and enlists certain realizations that people may have at this delicate time (2). We bring to you 7 such revelations we’re sure will open your eyes:
1. Honestly, The World Didn’t End
The moment when you actually break up may seem like your whole world is collapsing around you and there’s no saving you from perishing with it. But once you get past the initial phase of pain and hurt, you will understand that nothing too bad actually happened with you, says Tamsen.
She explains that the first 3 months after becoming newly single are the most difficult ones. At this point, you will likely lose both your appetite and sleep, and you’ll cry to your friends as you suffer. But that won’t last long. Her suggestion is that during this ‘survival mode,’ you should throw away things that cause you hurt, make careful decisions, and focus on your health and appearance.
2. You Never Knew Yourself This Well
When you’re with someone, you often end up making several compromises to stay together. This results in you forgetting what your desires are and who you are. But you go on anyway because you don’t want to let down your bae. So, you watch movies you hate or bike around town when you’d rather just drive. However, breaking up helps you reconnect with the person you really are and what you enjoy the most. Ergo, use this time to do what you like doing, states Tamsen.
3. Some Quiet Time Helps
No, you don’t have to pack your bags and run away to be alone and reflect on things. You can do the same in your very own one bedroom house and gain a better perspective over your whole breakup situation! Tamsen suggests you chalk out an hour each day to ‘unplug’ yourself and be alone in the silence with your thoughts. No gadgets allowed. This ‘me’ time will help you soak in the world and understand what it is you want – both from your life and future relationship.
4. Being Single Is Way Better Than Feeling Lonely In A Relationship
The whole purpose of a relationship is to be together with the one you love, to form a solid partnership. But if you’re not getting that, why hold on to a bitter relationship? Fear of being lonely might be the answer. However, if you think about it, what you’re afraid of is not being single but experiencing the true depths of your thoughts and feelings. So, what you need to do is not equate singlehood with loneliness. Instead, treat it as a window to know more about yourself!
5. Getting Over Is Key To Finding The Right One
As mentioned before, not all relationships culminate in ever-lasting marriages. So then, what is the purpose of those that don’t? Every relationship that ends is just supposed to teach you a lesson – either about yourself or your life. Endings might be painful but if you want to renew your love life, you should ensure that you’re completely over the one that got away. It’s the only way to make space for someone new in your life.
6. You Can Do Anything You Want To
Think about it. Being single is not all that bad! Now you finally have the time, the energy, and the money to pursue the goals you always had but never did in order to prioritize your partner in your life. This is the time to make all of your dreams come true!
7. A Sense Of Self-Fulfillment Leads To A Happy Relationship
It’s true that you’ll be cautious now before you invest yourself in another relationship. You’ll be wary of trusting again. However, before you even think of trusting someone else, it is important to inculcate faith in your own self. Analyze all the doubts and issues you have and come up with ways to sort them out. Also, experiment with your career paths, your dreams, and your dressing style. You have nothing holding you back, so why not make the most of it?
There’s no denying that breakups are still painful and that memories haunt strongly. That said, instead of falling into a pit of sadness, be grateful that you experienced the good times and move on.
