Scientists Defined 5 Basic Things That Decrease The Risk Of Cheating To Zero
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Cheating might seem like a convenient excuse movie-makers use for the film’s lead couple to get together and enjoy a happily ever after, but the reality is not quite so. In real life, most of us fear infidelity. And the fact that 45% of women and 60% of men will cheat at some or the other point in their marriage doesn’t help (1).
In fact, for a marriage to survive, fidelity is the most important trait partners look for in each other. To find out more about marital fidelity and how it can be avoided, psychologist and marriage counselor, Willard F. Harley, studied 800 couples. He discovered that both men and women have certain basic needs, which when fulfilled, reduce the risk of infidelity.
Dr. Harley published his findings in his book, His Needs, Her Needs: Building An Affair-Proof Marriage (2). We decided to take a peek into his book and share with you the 5 basic needs of each partner that can help build an ever-lasting, faithful marriage:
1. She Needs Tenderness And He Needs Lovemaking
Women tend to want tenderness out of their partners more than just getting dirty between the sheets. They prefer being surrounded by a feeling of love and deep attachment as it makes them feel more secure and protected, explains Harley. Tenderness can be shown in several different ways, such as hugging and kissing, gifting a bouquet, calling up from work, etc.
Men, on the other hand, have a deep desire to mate. Harley believes that there’s a connection between a woman’s need for tenderness and a man’s need to make love. He says that if a man doesn’t display tender, loving care, he may not get to make love. And a man may not offer tenderness if he doesn’t get to have sexual relations with his wife.
2. She Needs Conversations And He Needs A Partner In Crime
This is a battle between actions and words. Women want their men to pay attention to what they’re saying, to actively participate in the conversation and offer logical feedback. This happens in the courtship phase of a relationship and women want this to translate into their marriage. Harley discovered that women need 15 hours of conversation per week (roughly 2 hours a day) to feel satisfied.
Men don’t need talking so much though. What they want is for their wives to share their interests and hobbies way after the dating phase is over. They want their wives to play video games with them, go hiking or bowling, and the likes instead of having to do these things alone or always do what their wives love. Companionship is what they seek the most, as Harley points out that relaxing with his wife is 2nd on the list of top priorities for a man.
3. She Needs Him To Be Honest And He Needs Her To Be Attractive
Women can only trust their husbands if they are always honest with them about their activities and whereabouts. So, if a man wants to keep his woman’s trust, he has to be honest about even the smallest of details of his life.
For men, things are slightly different. This might sound very archaic and misogynistic, but for men to not cheat on their wives, they need to have an attractive wife, says Harley. We guess what that means is that women shouldn’t let themselves go and not take their appearance seriously.
4. She Needs Financial Security And He Needs A Comfy Home
If women find financial security in their husbands, they won’t ever feel the need to ‘better’ their circumstances through ‘other’ means, according to Harley. He found out that women crave security and stability in life to feel safe and protected.
For men, a comfortable home is more important than money in the bank. As breadwinners, they come face to face with a ton of problems each day and at the end of the day, they just want to kick back and relax in a warm home. For them, a cozy house is so important that they actually dream about it!
5. She Needs A Husband Who Proves To Be A Good Father And He Needs Admiration
A man who proves to be the ideal father figure scores brownie points in the eyes of a woman. Wives want their husbands to act as a role model for their son and daughter. They want their husbands to be responsible for their children’s education and development.
Men, in return, want the admiration of their children and their wife. They want to be proud of who they are and they want their family to see and appreciate what they stand for. True admiration inspires and motivates men to do so much more than they ordinarily would.
While some of the points mentioned here are open to argument, we believe that as long as the needs of both partners are fulfilled in a relationship, they’d never feel like straying. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below!
