In this whole game of friendship and togetherness, we often forget to draw lines. Between any two individuals, a fair amount of individuality should be retained. This might be misunderstood as distancing, but on the contrary, it is this space that will enhance the quality of your togetherness. To do that, read on to know the 7 secrets that you should never share with anyone.
1. Things That Happen Between Your Partner And You
Remember your yester years? Gloating about the number of things and flings you had with people was the greatest of your achievements, and you loved the attention you got with that, didn’t you? However, if you feel, you have crossed that stage and are now into more mature relationships, resist those temptations of sharing the details of your date last night. Also, remember that the things that happen between the two of you are not just your secrets but his secrets too. Wouldn’t that be a breach of privacy if you shared them with your friends? Plus, every time you feel like sharing a secret of you two, imagine how you would feel if he is sharing it with his guy friends. Doesn’t that sound nasty? So, no, you aren’t allowed to do this.
2. Family Disputes
The first set of people human encounters in life is family. How much ever he would want to stay detached and unaffected by the happenings in the familial front, he sooner or later tends to get affected. And on top of that, if it isn’t a close-knit family or one full of unpleasant disputes, it is even harder to remain unscathed. If it is you I am talking about, let me tell you, you might have had bouts of urges to speak your heart out with a friend of yours. Why isn’t that a good idea? Initially, when you find a friend who is not judgemental, it feels relieving to unburden your pent up soul.
Gradually, you could regret this. Not because the friend is spreading the news or not necessarily because the friend has begun to judge your family and make loose comments. But just because you have shared something that was completely yours, the deepest part of your life, and this might make you feel vulnerable. Find yourself a professional shrink if you feel it utterly necessary to share these secrets. More importantly, learn to deal with them and make yourself stronger from within rather than giving the key to your emotions in someone else’s control.
3. Menstrual Details
This menstrual business is yet again a very personal issue that women tend to share with their male friends or other female friends. They do this either because they feel it is more mature to talk openly about baseless taboos or because it is an intimacy and trust quotient. But these mature women often forget that not everyone else is that mature to receive the message without corrupting the essence of it. As far as possible, refrain from discussing your menstrual or other body-related problems openly. If you are sure that there wouldn’t be any awkwardness on the receiving end and there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, go ahead. There are chances you could be considered too progressive or might give an impression that you are giving some sort of a signal about your availability.
I might sound like a bank personnel trying to dissuade you from fake phone calls asking for your account details, but that is exactly what I am trying to say. You can trust a person more than you trust yourself but it is still not a very wise thing to share all your passwords and codes with people. Ask yourself a question before sharing your password – “Am I sharing this because I trust them or is it because I like them so much that I don’t mind if they cheat me.” Quite often than not it would be a yes to the second question. You will not have anybody to blame when something goes wrong. Plus, it is always healthy to maintain some distance and space in your relationships to avoid over-dependence. Sometimes situations play tricks and turn the most trusted friends of yours into someone unimaginably untrustworthy.
5. Monetary Conditions
Since I am in the banking zone, let me also add “Monetary Conditions” to the list. This is an unwritten rule among colleagues working under the same roof. Why they do this? No one knows. Was the management paying different amounts to same work load? Was that to avoid jealousy among colleagues? Whatever be the reason, it is a wise idea not to share how much land your ancestors had given you or how many hikes in salary were given to you. You just evoke an unnecessary curiosity in people when you discuss finances which would plant ideas in their minds although they don’t consciously intend any harm. Money is a weapon that anyone in need would like to possess when life takes a toll on their finances. But why would you give them the opportunity to eye yours?
6. Your Ideologies of Life
Although I don’t want to sound repetitive, ideologies and philosophy of your life are yours – absolutely personal and subjective. It works for you, might not work for someone else. Sometimes, they aren’t intellectually ready to understand your theories. Let that go, stop trying to enlighten people who are not ready or open. Your philosophy is a special bond between you and your Higher Self. Let that esoteric Truth remain in the realms you share with who you worship. Trust me, you will enjoy this journey while you embark on it alone rather than distracting yourself with the thought of taking other people with you on the journey. You have found your treasure. Grab it without wasting time in asking others to believe that you found your treasure. Remember, you found your Ultimate. Let them find theirs.
7. Your Deepest Fears
The general belief says that you should be able to discuss your fears and repress them only makes your situation worse. Contrary to that, try keeping them within you, for, saying them aloud fills you with the sense that this fear is actually giving you attention and support. This support fuels your fear, and you reach a point where you are comfortable with keeping it. If you stop sharing and discussing this secret of yours, you will not only make yourself stronger but will also try to overcome them yourself rather than looking for validation from others. Look at this fear as something subordinate to you, like an object you can handle. This is a better approach than sharing them and making yourself available for criticism or judgment.
Have you shared them with anyone and regretted? Have you shared them with someone and felt lighter? What was your experience with secrets, sharing, and togetherness? Write back to me in the comments section below.