How To Argue Your Way To A Stronger Marriage
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Your marriage might be made in heaven but we are sure that every now and then, you might feel like there is nothing otherworldly about it. Every relationship has its good days and bad days, and marriage is not any different. The only catch is that it’s the only relationship whose success depends entirely on the way people in it communicate and manage their expectations.
“If you have nothing good to say, it’s better to say nothing at all” — sounds familiar, right? But we are here to tell you that while the aforementioned words might hold true in other contexts, they do not apply in a marriage. When you are married to someone, you live with them day in and day out. You have to share everything with them right from your bank balance to your shampoo! Disagreements are bound to be from time to time. Rather than escaping those confrontations, it would be better for your marriage if you allow them to happen in a respectful and controlled manner. How do we do that? By following these simple tips.
1. Don’t Lose Control
Have you ever been in an argument where suddenly you have realized that you can literally hear your heart pounding in your ears and feel the blood rushing to your face? It happens every once in a while when you are caught up in a moment of intense rage, you feel frustrated that your partner is not giving you the space to articulate your views. When you find yourself caught in a similar situation, clamp down on that urge to say something vicious. You don’t have to score a point in the argument, it’s not about who wins. Rather than giving in to that impulse, we suggest you seek a “time out”. By saying those words, you immediately divert the impulse to yell or be vicious, and this also allows you to manage the conversation better.
2. Speak To Reflect, Not React
We have already established the importance of having a civilized conversation, and one of the key aspects of good communication is listening. So when your partner is airing his/her grievances, give them the time and space to do that. Don’t butt in with counter-arguments or allegations. This happens very commonly, and it is driven by the speaker’s need to control the conversation and make sure that it’s going his/her way. If you can’t control that impulse put a timer on your phone assigning both the parties sufficient time to put their views in front of the other.
3. Do Not Dig Up Old Graves
“You did that, on that day,” “You said that when we went out last month” — statements like these are doing you more harm than you can imagine. It is quite common for a couple to bring up each other’s past mistakes and transgressions as a way to attack their partner. Chances are that you might be hurting from when the incident occurred, but still, control this urge to dredge up the past for it will only fan those feelings of hurt and humiliation. Plus, it also takes away from the issue up for discussion. It’s better if you tackle the issue at hand first, so focus your energies there.
4. Don’t Be Overly Critical
While expressing your frustration is important, don’t let it devolve into a fault-finding session. It is very easy to lose track of the conversation once you get on this track. You have to realize that when you are already discussing something that you find distressing, you are already in an agitated state. At that moment, it would be extremely difficult for anyone to offer constructive criticism. In the heat of that moment, it is more likely that the whole thing would descend into chaos with both the parties calling and yelling at each other. And that’s how arguments become full-fledged fights.
5. Be Ready To Apologise
Remember that at the other end of that conversation is someone you love, respect, and cherish. They are the ones you chose to spend your life with. Keep your ego aside and be willing to acknowledge your mistake and apologize for the hurt you have caused to your partner. The moment you do that, you will notice a change in the stance of your partner. This is because they realize that you have let your defenses drop and you are completely vulnerable in front of them. Your willingness to apologize, your willingness to work on the bigger picture, i.e. your relationship and it encourages your partner to do the same.
There, we have unlocked our treasure chest of relationship secrets for you. You have to realize that it’s not only important to get things off your chest, you also have to afford the same courtesy to your partner as well. Marriage is a two-way street, and if you travel on it together you are bound to have a happy, loving and successful partnership with really long innings!
Do you think these communications tips can help in the way you communicate with your partner? Let us know your views in the comments below.
