7 Ways To Feel More Confident During Sex

Written by Emaan Shah • 

Admit it. While watching Sex and the City reruns, you may have admired Carrie, but it was Samantha that actually had you fascinated.

I don’t blame you. After all, when it comes to sex, we all wish we were just a little more wild, confident, and, well, unapologetically bold. We all believe we have an inner sex goddess lurking in there somewhere. The only dilemma is how to awaken her.

Unfortunately, the truth is, despite what we’d like to believe, we simply can’t be born awesome at everything. Nobody just springs from the womb equipped with Succubus-esque skills to put every erotic fan-fiction heroine of your dreams to shame. Oh, no. The majority of us poor mortals have to resort to learning so that we can eventually be deemed ‘good’ at under-the-cover fun.

If you haven’t been feeling very confident outside the bedroom, then being confident inside will take some time. If you’re one of those souls that needs a bit of Dutch courage to finally get down and dirty, then I suggest you try upping that confidence game. Remember the old adage, “fake it till you make it”? In this case, baby, it works. And while you’re channeling your inner Samantha and getting lucky, here are 7 awesome tips to further boost your courage and make you feel all-out fabulous!

1. It’s All About Taking Baby Steps

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The pressure of having a good sexual experience while ensuring your own and your partner’s pleasure can be daunting. Hence, it’s crucial you don’t let the stress of too many expectations get to you and you simply proceed at your own pace. It’s not a crime to start slow. Only partake in sex when you desire it and are comfortable participating. Once you’re in the mood, don’t overthink and just go with what feels right in that moment.

2. Dress First For Yourself

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It’s universally acknowledged advice that on the first date, a girl shouldn’t dress wholly on what she believes the man will appreciate but in what makes her feel beautiful and confident. The same rule applies in bed. If you’re not feeling super sexy in your birthday suit – it’s absolutely fine. Try wearing some flattering lingerie instead. Even those old boy shorts you love are perfectly cool if they happen to make you feel sexy and desirable.

3. Do The Taboo: Watch Something X-Rated

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What does any great athlete do before he plays his sport? Yep, you guessed it. He watches the taped games of other famous athletes in his field to examine them and learn. Hence, venturing over to certain adult websites to watch, well, some Kama Sutra can be totally educational – sort of. You can learn some new techniques and practice them.

4. Grab Your Rose Colored Glasses

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Translation: Start thinking positive. Yes, I do realize it can’t get more clichéd and hackneyed than that. But, hey, it actually happens to work. When you harbor a negative mindset by building on your insecurities and putting yourself down, you kill the experience before it even has the chance to change your mind. So, take a breather, sister. Stop. And reflect.

Gauge whether you’re being pessimistic, and for every negative thought that springs in your mind, counter it with a new positive one. Don’t hate it till you try it!

5. Have A Heart-To-Heart

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In any good relationship, therapists cite communication as the veritable ‘key’. This is even doubly true when it comes to sex. If you take the initiative to discuss your doubts and uncertainties with your partner, you will be surprised at not only how this will boost your previously non-existent confidence, but also how much more connected you’ll feel to him.

6. Set The Scene

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In order to feel fully comfortable and confident, focus on yourself, but start with your immediate environment. Your bedroom is supposed to be your sexual sanctuary, hence, setting up the space where you’ll be getting lucky is vital. Create a sexy playlist full of songs that will call out the siren in you. Get out some wine, light a few scented candles, and be as cheesy as you’d like to be. If your environment makes you feel comfortable while simultaneously inspiring romance – then you’re on the right track.

7. It’s Ok To Dim The Lights

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Good lighting isn’t only reserved for glamorous selfies and Instagram – it can also be of great use for bedtime activities. Use your bedroom lighting to flatter your form and shape. Sometimes, it takes dimming those lights for you to finally see the light at the end of your proverbial tunnel. If being on HD display doesn’t have you entirely excited, it’s completely fine to darken the room a tad bit and alleviate that pesky feeling of vulnerability. If this is what you need to feel bold, why the hell not?

There you have it – 7 confidence boosting tips to take you from Grease’s Sandra Dee to S&TC’s Samantha – or at least put you on your way. Remember, that inner sex goddess exists – you just have to give her a chance.

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