Some relationships are just not meant to be. And no matter how hard we try; they just don’t work out – which is okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. These things happen. And while it will hurt (a lot), it is important to make sure that you do everything possible within your capacity to make the blow more bearable for both you and your partner. Here are eleven things that you can do to make your break-up a little less messy.
1. Don’t Delay Speaking Your Mind
The more you wait, the more it will hurt. So once you are sure that things are not working out for you, it is best to let your partner know. That way, not only are you more honest, but you’re also giving your partner ample time to think about it and perhaps, accept it as well.
2. Don’t Send Out Confusing Signals
If you’re sure that you don’t want to be with this person, act like it. Don’t keep in contact or ask after them after you’ve broken up. While it may seem brutal, it is best to be absolutely clear about your intentions. The more you dilly-dally, the more hurt you are causing.
3. Don’t Hide Behind Your Smart Phone
Having someone break up with you is in itself a devastating experience. On top of that, if the news is not broken in person, it can become all the more humiliating and frustrating. Don’t break-up over WhatsApp or social media. Your partner deserves better. Meet them, speak to them, hear them out – it’s the least you can do.
4. Don’t Play The Blame Game
It’s easy to point fingers and accuse the other person for everything that went wrong, but it does nothing to make the break-up easier. Take responsibility for your actions. And even if it really is the other person’s fault, there is no need to fight. Do it with dignity.
5. Don’t Beat Around The Bush
The clearer you are, the easier it is for the other person to understand you. The best way to do it is to be absolutely honest about how your feelings towards them have changed. This gives them perspective and also some sort of closure, making it easier for them to accept it.
6. Don’t Stay Back Just Because You Are Afraid
Sometimes, we give in to our partner’s threats of self-harm because we do not want them to hurt themselves. This will do nothing but make it worse for both of you. Speak to friends and if necessary, get help. But don’t stay back just because you’re afraid of what they might end up doing. If you must stay back, stay back for love. If love isn’t your reason, then don’t.
7. Don’t Be Ambiguous
Don’t keep your partner hanging. If you know this is it, then let them know “this is it”. There’s no point in keeping them wondering if you’ll get back together when you know that you won’t. Being honest is the only way forward. Move on, and let them move on as well.
8. Don’t Be Ungrateful
It’s easy to be hurtful, especially during a break-up. But do try and remember why you both got together. True, circumstances have changed now, but at one point you both did make each other very happy. Try to recall those times and let your partner know that you are thankful for those times. Both of you are already hurting. Don’t make it worse.
9. Don’t Have A Break-Up Conversation Without Being Prepared
A break-up can never be a spur of the moment decision. Put a lot of thought into it and give it the time it deserves. Anticipate your partner’s responses and think of how you’ll respond. Yes, you can’t possibly anticipate everything, but at least give it some thought, so that you are not caught unawares by your partner’s responses.
10. Don’t Share Hurtful/ Personal Stuff On Public Platforms
Thanks to our smartphones and easy access to social media, our lives are no longer as private as we think. It is always a good idea to exercise caution over what we share on public domains and even more so after we have recently broken up. Sharing a photograph without prior thinking, or making an emotional update can be hurtful. It is best to be wary of what you share online post a break-up.
11. Don’t Get Back Together If There Is Even An Iota Of Doubt In Your Mind
“The future is scary but you can’t just run back to the past because it’s familiar.”
This was a dialogue mouthed by the character Robin Scherbatsky in the TV series, How I Met Your Mother. Yes, familiarity feels comfortable and safe, but that doesn’t mean it is better. Once you know that a relationship has ended, don’t go back just because it is easier than finding a new love, or being alone. That isn’t right.
Do you know of any young couple going through a break-up who need to read this? Share this with them. Spread the wisdom!