This Is What Life Before You Looked Like

I know you would want me to tell my story so I can help others like me, the way you helped me. You reached out to me at a time when my life was in shambles. I had no idea what to do, where to go or even how to seek help. Being a young single mother who had no one to support her, I always found myself stretched too thin. I was floundering when you gave me support. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been able to see that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

When The Earth Shifted

I came to know of my pregnancy by accident. I had just happened to go to the doctor because I needed to get a regular check-up. It was only when he congratulated me that I got to know that I was pregnant. It took me a minute to react. How could this happen? But we were safe. These thoughts were racing in my head, I didn’t even hear what the doctor said. I drove back home with tears in my eyes. I was still pursuing my Master’s then, that too on scholarship. There was no way I could afford the baby. Plus, the father was also a no-show; he and I had broken up a few weeks before that, so I was very unsure of how he would react. It seemed my entire world had gone kaput.

That evening I just lay down on the bed contemplating my options. It didn’t seem like I had any. Though one thing was clear in my mind, I wanted to keep the baby. I knew things would get very difficult, but now there was no going back. I couldn’t get myself to give up something that nature had bestowed me with. I had no inkling that life was going to take a very strange turn for me.

When The Blessing Held Me Back

The pregnancy was easy enough, I could manage to keep up with studies and I even took up a part-time job to pay for the expenses. My ex also pitched in every now and then (his involvement though strictly perfunctory, helped a lot), life seemed breezy. I wasn’t perplexed, everything was going as smoothly as it could. The trouble started when my blessing, my baby girl, came along. I had a difficult delivery, and after coming home from the hospital I would often find myself exhausted and weary. It seemed to me that life had suddenly started playing out in a fast forward mode.

Between changing diapers, doing the laundry and feeding the baby, I always felt strapped for time and energy. It was a race against time. I completely forgot to take care of myself, every time I would sit down to have a meal or take a shower, I would feel anxious that something might happen to the baby. As a result, I couldn’t even produce enough milk for her. This constant fretting and anxiety had turned me into a ball of nerves. I didn’t have anyone whom I could ask for help, so it looked like there was no end in sight for my woes.

When The Dark Clouds Parted

It all changed when you entered my life, or should I say both our lives. How seamlessly you inserted into our lives, it never occurred to me that you were just our neighbour. You became an integral part of our family. You encouraged me to recognise the symptoms of my illness and seek help. You were there for those late night feedings, for those doctor’s appointments when I needed a helping hand. From relieving me of babysitting duties so that I could catch up on my sleep, to giving me company for meals – you did it all.

Sometimes I think what might’ve happened if you hadn’t just walked in that day to pass on the misdelivered mail and seen me in that completely broken state. What I might have done at that moment? The options I was contemplating didn’t bode well for either me or the baby.

You brought a semblance of normalcy in life, you taught me to pay attention to my needs. It was you who was there for me, whenever it all seemed too overwhelming. It was you who held my baby when my depression took a turn for the worse and I wanted to do nothing with her. It was you who would coax me into taking medicines, to hold the baby, to come back to life when I was looking for the easy way out.

Could I say that you were my guardian angel, sent there to guide me on the right path? I don’t know if it was God or serendipity that sent you into my life, I am just happy that you were there. Now, that I have come so far on my journey of motherhood, I wish I could tell you that you were right all along. It is very rewarding to see that I am shaping a young mind, a human, who would go on to do great things. Instead, I will do what I can, I shall pass on the kindness that you did me when I see another young mother in distress. That would be an apt tribute to you.

Motherhood can be a very incredible yet overwhelming experience for first-time parents. Do you have similar experiences or stories? Share them in the comments section.

Note: This story is purely fictional and is not indicative of the author’s personal opinions or views

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