What To Do When An Ex Comes Back Just When You Thought You Were Over Him
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Heartbreak is a part and parcel of life, and we deal with it in our own ways. But for every four guys/gals you date, there is that one who just refuses to let things be, even after you’ve effectively ended everything. You know the one. The one who hovers around your social media and keeps a tab on you through mutual friends.
You do what you’ve to, to get over him. You drown your sorrows in tubs of ice cream and Meg Ryan movies. You plan a trip with just the “girls”, you even get an “I-have-moved-on” haircut. And just when you think you have finally put that part of your life behind you, you get a notification on your cell phone, it’s him. He slithers in your DMs on Twitter because that is the only platform where you haven’t blocked him. It’s a simple three-word message – “Thinking about you”, but it has a significant impact on your emotional and mental health. You fear that you are standing on the edge of the precipice and this time if you fall, you won’t be able to make your way back.
Well, I have been there and done that, and for the benefit of my sisterhood, I have decided to share what helped me get through this experience. So, ladies, this is what you’ve to do if you are finding yourself in a similar pickle.
1. Don’t Get Lured
Now that you have seen his message, take a deep breath before responding to it. Think of it as a sinkhole. Once you respond to that text, the conversation can go two ways. Either he is going to apologize and beg you to take him back or maybe he will reminisce about the “good old days.” Both these options are not going to give you favorable outcomes.
If you do take him back and it doesn’t end well, you will be back to square one. Only, this time your support system won’t have your back. And if you chose to reminisce, you will be reminded how he didn’t value you, even though you gave the relationship your everything.
Our advice – just don’t engage with it. Period.
2. Go Cold Turkey On The Social Media
We know the urge to see what he’s been up to is quite irresistible, but avoid giving in to it. And if social media is your jam, then you can just block or remove him from all your profiles. Remember that at this point it’s your mental well-being that is of the utmost importance, and in keeping with that spirit just limit your exposure to his presence on the social media. The less you see of him, the better off you will be.
3. Have An Honest Conversation With Yourself
Before taking any concrete steps, have an honest conversation with yourself. Think about how you felt in that relationship, and see if you are willing to be in that situation again. At this point in your life, you will probably have a good idea of what you are looking for in a relationship. See if those needs were being met in this relationship earlier, if not, then you know better than giving in to this temptation. Because, after all, a tiger can’t really change its stripes.
4. Focus On Your Present
He represents your past. It’s gone and it won’t come back, but you can’t let that rule over your present. Doing so would ensure that you give your past a chance to call shots over your present. If you really want to think it through, see if he is a good fit in your life in the present.
Your work, your family, your friends – will he be respectful of those boundaries? Think it through because you really can’t afford that disruption again. Mark your present as sacrosanct and if you think he can still blend in that seamlessly, then maybe you can give him a chance, otherwise it’s a solid no.
5. Think About Yourself
When you guys were together, it’s quite possible that you put his needs above yours. And we aren’t saying there is anything wrong with it. That’s just the way relationships work, one partner’s needs often take precedence over the other one’s. But the key difference in your case is that it didn’t work for you. So it’s time you put the spotlight on yourself now. Instead of getting sucked back into that time warp, take this time to practice some self-love and self-care. Think about what you need and don’t be guilted into giving the relationship another chance.
The sum total of the matter is that your ex is a closed chapter of your life and as such you don’t really need to revisit it. The only thing you’ve to do is have faith in yourself that this too shall pass.
Do you have any other tips to combat the nagging presence of an ex-boyfriend? Let us know in the comments.
