Why The Best Thing You Ever Did Was Break Up With Me

Written by Shivani K  • 

When it comes to relationships, isn’t it the fear of rejection that makes us do crazy things? While most of you must have answered yes to my question, I’d like to tell you all that the fear wasn’t just in my head anymore. I was rejected. Rejected not just by anyone, but by the person, I loved the most. That rejection left me choked. It left me shattered and broken in a way that I thought I could never be fixed again. Now, you might be under the impression that this must have been my first relationship, and that’s probably why it had such an impact on me. But it wasn’t, dear ladies and gentlemen. It was my second, and it was a relationship I dared to enter after enduring a very hurtful heartbreak from my previous one. I, in fact, took a long time (a good three years) to pull myself together again, bit by bit, and then learned to love my life, love the world that I have been living in. I had to reboot my life and weave my new world, right from the first knot.

When He Happened To Me

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I met Ajay at a social gathering. Unlike what you’d expect, we did not hit it off right from the scratch. It wasn’t love at first sight or even an attraction because honestly, he wasn’t handsome. At least, not in the conventional sense. We did like each other’s company; we exchanged numbers and then from there, our journey began. We took it one step at a time. Our relationship changed from being strangers to just friends. After that, we began talking to each other more over the phone, this was followed by a lot of frequent meetings which were more than just random catch-up sessions. We became fond of each other. We made each other fall in love with another. It didn’t just happen to us out of the blue. It was a deliberate development. It was our decision. And I always thought that because we went through each step so deliberately, it will last forever.

But, Things Changed

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I answered his call, and as he told me his decision to end things between us, all I could hear was a deafening silence in my heart and mind. Honestly, I was tired of all the small talk that he was making to cover up the long breaks we’d been having. As much as I knew that I was slowly fading away from his heart, I thought it was just a phase. I still had faith in my heart. I had the faith that we could fight all the battles together. I used to think that no matter which speed bumper we might crash on, we had our insurance to cover for us and undo the damage.

What hurt me most was that when he dumped me, he gave the reason that I’d be better off without him. I literally screamed at this very idea he had nurtured inside his head. I knew for a fact that I will never be okay in my life without him.

His Rejection Made Me Find Myself

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Finding yourself can be the most strenuous quest of one’s life. I wasn’t ready for the change he had forced upon me. I didn’t want to be alone. At the same time, I could not deny the fact that because he left me hanging on the precipice, it helped me find myself. I found that strong girl in me who understood that she didn’t really need a significant other to feel loved. It took me a significant amount of time to figure this out. At first, I thought that I landed myself in the same ditch where I’d started from. But, eventually, I learned how to love myself without his validation. Unlike last time, when I had focussed on healing the situation I was in and not fighting the demons in my head, I healed myself this time. I came to terms with the breakup without trying to better the circumstances of my non-existent relationship.

With His Rejection Came My Promise To Care

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I showered myself with all the love I could find within myself. I engaged in activities that made me happy, even if it was just for a teeny-weeny minute. I realized that the only person that I needed to worry about the most was me. I finally understood that it was only when I value myself, others will value me. I did not care about anything else. I was open to the possibility of love, if, and when it happened. Until then, I was happy to be single and was sure that being single wasn’t equal to settling for anything less. I understood that the good part of my life will only begin when I accept the truth about the things that were meant to end. All I can say in the end is, “Who has left isn’t the big picture. What matters is who is walking away stronger than before.”

If you’re someone who’s been dealing with heart-wrenching heartbreak, hold on. Every end marks the start of a new and a better beginning.

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