5 Reasons Why You Fight With Your Husband After Having A Baby
chaitra krishnanMA (Journalism & Mass Communication) Experience: 5 yearsChaitra has a triple main bachelor’s degree in journalism, communicative English, and economics from St. Aloysius College, Mangalore, and a master’s degree in journalism and mass communication from St... more
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As couples, once we have crossed the honeymoon phase, we tend to find ourselves in a web of couple spats. Although fights are pretty common after the initial spark fades off, things definitely go haywire once a baby comes into picture. It is undoubtedly one of the most beautiful milestones in the journey of the relationship, but this bundle of joy comes wrapped with a wrapper that has “hard work“ written all over it. The feeding, the diaper changing, the sleepless nights, and the endless crying can be pretty overwhelming for first time parents. It so happens that we end up spending all of our energy and time on the baby which leaves us with very little time for our partner.
Just like most others, with the entry of motherhood, if you find yourself frequently picking up fights with your husband, know that you’re not the only one and it happens more often than not. Here are the 5 most common reasons why couples fight after having a baby:
1) The Exhaustion
Lack of rest and sleep can make anyone go crazy. If it was something related to work or a personal problem, you can find an easy solution. But in this case, you’re helpless. You have to take care of the baby and sometimes stay awake the whole night because s/he refuses to sleep. They might need feeding or diaper changing at 4 am and you’ll have to wake up no matter what.
You really can’t do much to solve this problem but splitting the night duty will help you and your husband get better sleep. If your baby wakes up or cries for anything other than feeding, daddy dear can step up. Another solution to this problem is to get some external help. You can ask your parents to come over for a few days to take care of the baby. Also, you can get a nanny if that’s a more convenient option for you. These options can prevent you from falling prey to sickness and exhaustion.
2) You Are The Only One Taking Care Of It
If your husband has been asking you to take care of everything, solely, you need to have a talk with him. It’s pretty normal to get mad when you feel like all the work is on your shoulders. Also, it’s unfair that you have to take care of the baby without a break. You may be waiting for your husband to get back home in the evening so that you can take a shower or take a nap. On the other hand, he might be tired after getting back from work and would want to watch the game! Again, this is a complex situation.
It’s important for you and your husband to realize that things are going to be a bit difficult for a while. Both of you will have to work out a system that will distribute the baby duties fairly.
3) Parenting Differences
You want your baby’s crib to be by your side but your husband wants it by his side- aww, that’s so sweet! But even the slightest differences like this can end up in a World War 3! You fight over the silliest things when it comes to parenting. You want things to be done in a certain way but your husband just takes the opposite road all the time! Relatable?
Do not lose your temper in such situations. That’s the key to successful parenting. Discuss the things that you get to choose and what your partner gets to choose. You can make a list of all the pros and cons to reach an agreement over the decisions that need to be made. Let the better idea win and don’t take it personally.
4) Lovemaking Is A Distant Dream
Once the baby comes, it’s quite possible that you forget how the baby came into being in the first place. The only thing you feel when you look at the bed is sleepy and nothing else. All that fun that you had with your partner is a beautiful memory now. Well, don’t worry because this will pass soon. It’s okay to feel this way because a lot of your attention is going to the baby. Getting help from a friend, a relative, or a nanny will give you and your husband some alone time. And remember to make a conscious effort to spend quality time with your partner even after having a baby.
5) Not Able To Move On
You do love your baby and you can’t explain how happy you are. But a part of you still wishes to keep the fun phase of your life. This is not going to work because things change and you’ve got to roll with it. You cannot have the baby with no responsibilities. The attitude that you refuse to move on with the new things in your life may become a major reason for fights.
Talking to each other or a another couple who have already been in your shoes before will help you deal with problems better. If things are getting too difficult, you can always seek the help of a counselor.
Take care of yourself and your partner without getting lost in the baby world. Always seek help and don’t try to do it all by yourself. Remember that this is just a phase and it is going to get better. If you’ve been through this already and dealt with all the problems and want to share any tips with us, do leave them in the comments section below.
