Why I Never Want To Be Called ‘Wifey-Material’

Growing up, I was always an obedient child. Nice to elders and youngsters alike, I was just an easy-going sort of person. I would steer away from unnecessary confrontations, always looking to resolve issues amicably. Spending time with my mother in the kitchen, helping her with as many chores as possible was my favorite way to pass time. As I grew older, these traits began to be looked upon as the signs of a good wife-in-the-making. Even though I seldom get angry, now I felt the pressure to be pleasant and soft-spoken all the time and to help in the household chores. And I would have gladly borne the load of this if it hadn’t caught my attention that I was being groomed to be someone’s caretaker. I realized I wasn’t being encouraged to cultivate these traits in order to become a good human being but rather to become a good wife.

This realization came to me when it occurred to me that apart from my usual schooling, there was another kind of education that was being imparted to me on a more subliminal level. This was my parallel education, my finishing school, and its instructors were the women in my life. “Saumya, laugh softly. Don’t cackle like a witch”, “Don’t answer back”, “Go help your mother in the kitchen.” These directives given in the form of commands or softly-whispered suggestions would often find their way to me right when I would find something fun to do. It was as if they could smell me having fun. Looking back at those days now, I realize my home was nothing more than a finishing school that produced perfect wives in every generation.

What exactly is “Wifey-Material”?

A wifey-material is someone whose entire being has one and only one purpose in life, i.e., to exist only to make her pati-parmeshwar’s life easier. So, what if you are equally well-educated and earn a six-figure salary? If you can cook, then you are surely wifey-material. Wifey-material is someone who does not flinch when a grown-up adult asks her to remind him to wish his own parents a happy birthday (Yep! His memory must have gone for a toss maybe). It doesn’t matter that the same thing can be done by the Google calendar. What constitutes as “wifey-material” and what the identifying attributes of a good “wifey-material” are, is subjective (depending on the husband-to-be who is crafting his wishlist at the other end). And to make matters worse, this concept of “wifey-material” is given the appearance of the highest form of compliment. Something women should take pride in and aspire to be. Yes, this is happening in 2018! No, I am not kidding, just look at the hashtags trending on Twitter.

Why I Will Never Be “Wifey-Material”

I am more than a mere collection of attributes that a guy might deem desirable, I have my own identity. I am a good human being, with an amazing brain and personality. A personality which I have worked on, not to please anyone but to further my prospects in this world. I exist outside the circumference of a man’s wishes. I think, I feel, and therefore, I express. I am more than a hashtag. I refuse to be pitted against other women for a man’s attention. The laundry list of attributes or character traits that pop up every time I type “wifey-material” in the browser, does not define me. For these reasons, I will never be called “wifey-material”.

Marriage is going to be just a part of my life. My life is not going to be all about my marriage. When the right person comes along, and I mean the “right” person, not the “husband-material” then I would work with him to have a great marriage. We would work together to create a marriage which would be modeled on the concept of partnership. We would shoulder all the responsibilities together, be it home or office. He would never have to maintain a façade of the “man of the house” in front of me, I would be there for him when he feels scared and lonely. We would both be each other’s friend, philosopher, and guide. This would hold true even if we don’t get married.

I am glad that I will never be called “wifey-material”, I would rather be the love of someone’s life. Why would I run after someone else’s idea of perfection when I already know that there is someone out there who would gladly accept the imperfect me, the way I am.

I refuse to be called wifey-material and let another have the power to signify who is or isn’t worthy enough to find a life-partner. Being someone’s wife is not the height of my ambition, and it is for these reasons that I would never be called “wifey-material”.

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