Why I Refuse To Settle In A Relationship

by Shivani K

I am sure most of you will agree when I say that the word “settling” is quite depressing. However, I don’t think the problem is with the word, it’s with the things it has come to be associated with. The society that we live in has given that word the connotations of climbing down or compromising, so yes, it has become depressing!

When we grow old, and move on in life, people expect us to find someone to share our life with. When we fail to do that, they start asking us to settle for less and just give a green signal to the next guy we come across.

And most of us do acquiesce to that. We end up settling with a man with whom we can never be truly happy. We do so, not to please our elders in the family. We do it because, after all those heart-wrenching relationships that we’ve been through, we start thinking that probably we aren’t good enough. But ladies, I’m telling you, “Never settle for less. Never settle if you aren’t ready for it.”


Okay, you might have had a heartbreak where you had to say goodbye to a potential partner, or maybe it was he who bade you farewell. Think of it as an opportunity. You’ve been with a partner who wasn’t suited to you; so now you have a better idea about the one you’ve been looking for. Don’t let age, society, or anything else make that choice for you.

Will you care to listen to my story? I was in a similar predicament and this is how I dealt with it.

My Story


My parents are one of those couples who dared to enter a love marriage setup when everybody around them thought of it as a cardinal sin. Looking at my parents, the way they were so in love with each other even after being together for 28 years, made me want to fall in love with myself and experience the joy that they shared with each other.


And I did fall in love not just once or twice, but thrice! But none of those relationships managed to last longer than a year. The fallout of the second relationship was such that it took me 2 years to get over it. It’s shocking how a person you once loved becomes the reason for your depression and breakdown. But it was after my third relationship that the actual struggle with the society began. My parents were always supportive. But, for

how long could they dodge the questions of the so called “well-wishers”?

But I never gave up. I always believed that one day I’ll find my forever. The three relationships that I’d been in had made me realize what I wanted in a partner. I was clear about the signs I had to look for to know if he’s the one or not. But the problem was that I didn’t have the courage to venture out on my own to “look” for him. I was scared I’d end up with the wrong one again. And on the other side, I had the society that made me feel like my life would be incomplete if I didn’t find someone to settle down with.

I Spoke To My Parents


Yes, I did just that. You must be thinking we do it every day. But to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents where you pour out your hearts, all your doubts at an age like mine isn’t easy. It honestly takes certain amount of guts. I did this because by then, my parents too had started to look for a nice life partner for me. I told them that I knew exactly what I wanted in my life partner and that I wouldn’t settle for less. I knew my worth and there was no way I would let myself or my parents succumb to societal pressure and get married to an “average guy” who wasn’t compatible with me.

We Came To An Agreement


I was completely honest while discussing my problems to my parents. I told them that I wasn’t confident enough to find the one on my own. So, my parents proposed a solution. They said they’d search for a boy who they thought to be suitable for me. However, they wouldn’t force me into a marriage. All that my dad said was, “We’ll find you someone to go on dates with. Hopefully, you might find your forever in him. And you, on the other hand, try to venture out on your own.” My mom even said that if this wasn’t something that I wanted, and if I wanted to stay single all my life that too was fine with her. She told me, “Dad and I just want you to be happy.

With or without a partner.”

I felt overwhelmed with gratitude because of how understanding my parents were. I told them I was disturbed because of the pressure created by the relatives and other well-wishers. I decided to take a long beach vacation and told them that they could start finding a date for me once I returned from that.

And in my head and heart, I knew I’m not settling here. It’s okay if it takes time, I’ll find my “forever person” with utmost patience.

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