Why I Said “No” When My Partner Proposed
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Rejecting a marriage proposal becomes an unforgivable sin once you reach a certain milestone, for me, it was my 25th birthday. Back in early 2017, in the month of February, my 25th birthday was just around the corner. Everything was as it was supposed to be — I had a well-paying job, a loving family, and a long-time steady boyfriend. What more could I ask for?
I had planned a week-long gala for my birthday, beginning with a romantic dinner with my boyfriend Avinash. All the festivities and celebrations were to culminate into a mega party on the eve of my birthday with all my friends, family present.
But, alas! It wasn’t meant to be.
The Day Earth Stood Still
Avinash had planned a lovely dinner for me in a plush restaurant, which itself should have given me a heads up about what was going to unfold (considering our easy-going equation). But, I was basking in all the extra attention. You don’t get to turn 25 every day, you see.
We arrived at the hotel in style, both of us were dressed to the nines and upon entering the hotel, the manager of the restaurant guided us to the best seats in the restaurant. As soon as we were seated, I noticed the absence of menus. I was about to ask the waiter to bring the menus when Avinash stopped me. “It’s a pre-decided menu, all your favorites,” he said with a sly smile. “Aren’t I the queen of the world?”, I added with a wide grin. This dinner was turning out to be better than expected.
Over the course of the meal, we had a chance to catch up with each other’s lives. Avinash was a software developer and work was a major part of his life. But, this was fine by me because I liked having my space. Dinners and date nights like these gave us a chance to hit a pause on our crazy schedules and spend time with each other.
It was a nice, balmy February evening, the drinks and food had given me a happy buzz. I wanted to wind up the dinner and get a couple of pictures in front of the fancy fountain outside the restaurant. “Let’s eat dessert first”, Avinash said. “But I have an entire week to gorge on cakes, let’s skip it today” I countered, as my birthday week had to be documented on my Insta handle and hence I needed pictures.
Before I could say anything else, the waiter came up to our table with a single slice of “Banana Chocolate” cake. While he was placing the dish on our table, I saw Avinash fish out a small package from his pocket and kneel in front of me.
It was as if I had been knocked out, I am pretty sure I did not hear anything that Avinash said. I could hear my own heart, beating loudly in my ears. “This is not happening,” I murmured. I asked Avinash to stand up. I hugged him, smiling weakly. It took me a beat but I told him, I am not ready for it. He took it lightly, telling me that it was okay and I will come around to the idea and that nothing will change after marriage.
My Special Happily-Ever-After
The drive back home was in a daze, I had no idea how I reached home. As soon as I reached home, I told my mom all about what happened. She asked me why I said no to the proposal. I told her I had no idea. She asked me to identify my fears and only then make a decision. The entire night, I tossed and turned, and finally, I got my answer. I called Avinash and told him that even though I loved him dearly I would not marry him. Marriage, for me, was a social contract which did not guarantee happiness. I was more comfortable being his live-in partner.
Having had a single mom, growing up, I had no model of marriage to look up to. What I did see was a happy, content, and able single parent who did not lack for anything. Similarly, I too, had a complete and fulfilling life, and I had all the people I needed to share it with. I told Avinash how I felt and gradually, he too accepted it.
It was no mean feat convincing the world and especially the so-called society, that I was doing what was best for me. Thankfully, a year later, the dust has finally settled. This is not because I had anything against marriage or I think it is an outdated institution. I just felt the need to build a relationship outside the available social framework. In my life partner, I found someone who was courageous enough to do that with me.
Today, Avinash and I live together, we share meals, bank accounts, and even the common cold infection! So yes, we share a life together but we are not married. I said no to his marriage proposal but not to him.
