Nisha had a fairytale wedding. Realizing her dream of getting married in one of the most romantic places in the world made her feel on top of the world. The cherry on the cake was when her boyfriend-turned-husband chose Europe as their honeymoon destination. All was perfect till some time. A couple of weeks into the wedding, and she realized Manish was abusive — verbally, and, at times, physically too. At first, it all felt like a dream. But soon, Nisha had to wake up to reality as it became a daily ordeal.
When she confided in her bestie, she got one straight reply. JUST LEAVE HIM! RIGHTAWAY! But Nisha just couldn’t get herself to do it. She was smart and intelligent, holding a top position in a reputed establishment, and also had a solid family backing. All that she had to do was walk out on her abusive partner. Why couldn’t she do it then? Well, if things were that simple!
A partner is someone whom you trust and love with all your heart. You invest a great deal of time and emotions on the person. So, giving it all up in a split second is not easy. The alarming part is most abusive relationships aren’t reported.
If you are wondering why it’s not so easy for women to leave abusive partners, here are a few points to ponder.
1. Love And Attachment
Nisha is not alone. There are several women like her who silently go through domestic abuse. And more often than not, the reason is the love they have for their partner. You are so attached to the person that it’s hard to even think of leaving him.
Imagine Nisha’s plight. After the hunky-dory phase of her marriage, she’s reached a point where she thinks he’s the best. She just can’t believe that he can be abusive and thinks this is part and parcel of her relationship. She just learns to live with it.
If you were to tell your mom that you were considering divorcing your partner, her instant reply would be – “What about the kids?” For most parents, at least in India, a woman has to compromise on a lot of things post marriage in the best interest of her kids. The standard advice would be: ‘It’s only a couple of years. Soon, your kids will grow up and take good care of you.’ This simply means, now or later, you must depend on somebody else to give you happiness.
4. Low Self-Esteem
Blame game, passing the buck, and name calling are a few common things in a fight between a couple. The man you love makes such accusations that after a point, you start believing that you are not good enough for anyone. Loss of confidence is what makes most women stick to their partners. If a person repeatedly tells you that you are bad at something, you are manipulated into believing that you are really that person (even though you are not). You know what I mean? The moment you lose your self-esteem, there ends your ability to analyze rationally.
A few women are too proud to admit that they are living with abusive partners. Yes, I know you must never wash your dirty linen in public. But, if you exist as a mere scapegoat, would it help much? Rajita had boasted about marrying the love of her life. Her friends would often envy for her choice of partner. Little did she know that he was a difficult person to live with. But, she couldn’t dare admit what was happening. It was like accepting defeat and telling people she had chosen the wrong person. So, the only option for her was to go through the torture silently. At least her image in the society remained intact!
Bad relationships affect you so much that you are scared of finding another ideal partner. You feel it’s better living with a known devil than an unknown one. Seeta went to a psychologist for counseling after her relationship had reached a point of no return, and this is the solution her psychologist offered.
“Look, at least you know the flaws of this person. You think you can handle another one? Minor adjustments here and there, and you will be set. Who knows what kind of a person you would meet again?” Was that advice any helpful to her? Not at all. She thought perhaps the counselor was right. She feared not finding the right partner or living alone for the rest of her life.
7. False Promises
So, you have mustered up the courage to finally call it quits, against all odds. And, out of the blue, your guy has suddenly turned into a sugar candy. He pampers you, makes you feel nice, and promises to mend his ways. He’s so nice that you wonder if you misread him! Now, this is what I call self-destruction. But, a few days later, your relationship is back to square one.
8. Financial Security
There are many women who are financially dependent on their partners – another reason they can’t afford to step out of the comfort zone. Your partner perhaps knows this and is taking advantage of your situation. But, you have gotton so used to being this way that you don’t want to give it all up.
A relationship is all about give and take. Both the partners have to make a few compromises and adjustments. But, abuse is something you must never put up with. Yes, give him a chance to change, but if you don’t see that happening, you must call it a day. Mutual respect is a must, and if you decide to stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons (a few of which I mentioned here), you are killing your self-respect. Trust me, it’s simply not worth it!
Have you any stories to share on abusive relationships? Are you staying in one for a better or worse reason? Let us know in the comments section below.