Why Your Boyfriend Shouldn’t Be Your Best Friend
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Like every other 90s kid, I too grew up being fed a steady dose of cutesy, mushy, too-good-to-be-true romances by watching sitcoms such as Friends, The 70s Show, etc. Over the years as I grew up, these ideas of romance were hammered into my brain by the many romcoms and sitcoms that I watched with relish and the teen magazines that I read.
By the time I could fathom what love or romance was, it became clear to me that it had to do with the idea of friendship. After all, as our king of modern-day romance said it in his epic movie, Kuch-Kuch Hota hai, “Pyaar dosti hai, agar wo meri sabse achhi dost nahi ban sakti to main kabhi usse pyaar kar hi nahi sakta” (love is friendship, if she can’t be my best friend then I can’t ever fall in love with her).
As I heard Shah Rukh Khan mouth that dialogue I came to believe in its truth, and I believed it with all my heart. It was only after I grew up and actually into a relationship that I realized that I should have taken Khan’s advice with a pinch of salt. No, I am not saying you shouldn’t be friends with your romantic partner, but yes, you shouldn’t be his only friend. And before you drown me in romantic platitudes here are my three reasons for saying so.
1. He Can’t Be Your Go-To Person For Everything
It’s very nice to feel needed. In fact, it forms the bedrock of great relationships. The need to be with each other, experience new things together, and in general, the need to be intimate. But what if you have someone who depends on you for satisfying his/her every need. The moment you step into the house after coming back from your work, you have to be at the beck and call of that person because you are the only person with whom they do anything at all. Not a nice scenario is it? This is the predicament that is staring your boyfriend in the face if he happens to be your BFF as well.
And what about you? What if you are actually pissed off with the very same boyfriend, who would you talk to if there is no best friend or even a close friend?
And besides, you can’t drag your boyfriend to get that mani-pedi with you, can you? Even if you do, we can guarantee it’s nowhere as fun as it is when you sit with your best friend gabbing while the nail artist paints your nails.
2. You Don’t Want To Share Everything With Him
You know the golden rule, Church and State should be separate? Well, think of your boyfriend as the State and your best friend as the Church. There are some things that you’d rather not tell your boyfriend for the simple reason that he won’t get it. For example, when you want to share that look with your best friend when you’re silently judging someone’s outfit. Can he get that?
Besides, you don’t want to overburden your relationship with him with unnecessary details. It is more likely to kill the spark that you guys have. This is not to say that you should keep secrets from him. If there is something important that’s happening in your life, you should share it with him. But the next door auntie’s annoying kids or the latest facial that you read about are really not the things you would want to discuss with him.
3. There Won’t Be Anything New
This is the biggest reason, there won’t be anything new between the two of you. How so? You ask. Well, if he is your best friend as well as your boyfriend, you are more likely to have a common circle of friends, acquaintances. It’s even possible that your familiar with each other’s family as well. You will hang out with the same group of people, in familiar surroundings day after day. This alone is guaranteed to doom your relationship to the rut.
As they say, familiarity breeds contempt. And that’s not the emotion you want to associate with your significant other, do you?
Besides the main reason why it’s said that it’s healthy for partners to have different peer groups because it allows them to develop new interests and try new things. This won’t be possible if your boyfriend and your best friend are the same person.
Hope we gave you enough food for thought. Again, we aren’t saying that friendship and romance are mutually exclusive. It’s just that every relationship has a few boundaries, and it’s not necessarily a good idea to mix them. But yes, if you share a certain level of comfort that comes with being a good friend, it’s actually a great thing. Just he doesn’t have to be your only good friend.
Do you think it’s a good idea for your boyfriend to be your best friend? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments section.
